Fashionisto In The Making

OSH KOSH B'GOSHIN'

My first memories of clothing and Sam are these Osh Kosh B'Gosh blue dungarees he used to wear.  He was three or four years old when I really got to know him and that was well before there was an Eddy or I thing going on.  The good thing about those dungarees is that as he was growing, Mami would just keep letting the shoulder clips out.  So although he techinically didn't fit them anymore, he went from wearing it out to wearing it out around the yard.  Everyone knows that Papi isn't spending big on materialistic things like clothing and shoes.  So Sam was usually at the mercy of whichever brother would think to buy him clothing or whatever Mami found at the discount store.  Every now and then Papi would insist on getting a tailor made suit for Sam and he'd have to wear it--like it or not.

36 HOT!
My next memory of Sam and clothing came when he started attending Nautilus Middle School on Miami Beach.  He was previously at Feinberg Fisher (thanks to Dee's manueverings) and the family pretty much agreed that he needed a change of scenery.  Living on the block with no constant vigilance meant that we needed to keep him distracted as much as possible.  All his brothers, myself, and Dee had grown up in Little Haiti.  I attended all the Edison's and so did Eddy and Jonas.  Eden had attended two out of the three Edison's before going to Beach and although Dee grew up in Little Haiti, her parents insisted that she head all the way South to high school to get away from the negative surroundings.  So we knew it was best for him.  He was no longer attending school in the "hood" and that meant having to be like the 'beach' kids.  Thankfully he was in uniform so Eddy and I went out and bought him a whole heap of khaki pants and crisp white polo shirts.   He'd gotten his fave white tennnis shoes so he was good to go.  Back then, I was in my 2nd installment of grad school internship at Barry University, so he may have been in the 7th or 8th grade. 

There's nothing like seeing a black young man dressed in school uniform. The island girl in me reminisced about my school yard days of living in St. Maarten and watching school children crisp and clean head out to school prepared to learn and prepared to succeed.  So to me wearing uniforms was equated to success.  Well, I guess Sam didn't see it that way.  I would normally do my drop-ins at the "129" and on this particular day I get there before he does.  I look out the window just in time to see him trudge down the block with the a raggedy white tee hanging down to his knees, no belt-- just shuffling down the block like some average dude.  Now I've never been one for "average" and watching Sam come down the street in a shirt that didn't look like anything I would put on a pet got my blood boiling.

I wait til he gets in and start in on the interrogation. I don't remember the extent of the conversation (I was more than likely too hot to be listening anyway).  All I remember is me asking for all the shirts I bought him.  Because if he insisted on wearing only the same two raggedy white tees that he would have to wash about 3 times during the school week instead of the nice, crisp, clean shirts that I bought him, then so be it.  Of course, Sam being Sam, just quietly handed over the bag of shirts and I left.  I remember calling Dee as soon as I got to the internship.  I remember looking out of the second floor window, and literally feeling my pressure go up.  I remember either calling or texting Eddy and Jonas about what had just taken place and expressing how pissed off I was.  Now when I call Jonas, it's a signal that I have reached my wits end on a family matter and need his intervention.  Like the Haitians say, from that day forth "mwe fait crois" that I would have nothing else to do with Sam and clothes again.  For me, there was that hurt and later realization that buddy was developing his own "fashion sense" and doing the "white tee" thug act was where it was at for him. 

Needless to say, there was none of that taking place at Immaculata Lasalle High School.  He went from "straight pimpin in the NYC" to "Glee Club" overnight and another fashion disaster was eventually averted.

JUST THE BEGINNING

I gotta tell you, when he graduated I thought to myself, finally, I can get on with the rest of my life.  I mean, for many years, Eddy and I shouldered the responsibility of raising this kid with no benefit of income tax return.  While Jonas was living out his "Mafioso" days in the early years of our marriage, coming in at weird hours, shooting the breeze for a few before his famous "am out" routine, we were raising Sam.  Eden had Iesha and then college and then life with Holly and living down south meant again, we were raising Sam.  For those seven years of marriage, Dee stepped in and helped me carry the burden.  She was the cool sis-in-law, I again took my gracious place as the "mean one".  Hey if you got your role, play it well is what I say!  Granted everyone played a role, but at the end of the day it was Eddy and eventually myself who had to step in.  Dee and Jonas then had Jaden and having a baby really switches things in one's life.  Jaden's early challenges didn't leave room for my then sis-in-law to step in.  She'd get all my calls, empathizing but really not being able to invest in it all.  Their eventual divorce, pretty much silenced her votes on family matters.  Call it practicing for our future as parents, call it divine appointment, call it God's cruel joke on me--Sam was eventually our responsibility.  As such, Papi in his infinite and psychotic machinations has continued to keep Sam our responsibility.

I thought Sam getting that diploma meant we were absolved of whatever else we had to do in regards to him.  Turns out it's just begun.  I recall a church member's toast at his younger brother's wedding.  They are seven years apart.  He details his experiences of always having to worry about his brother through every phase of his life: from high school through college years.  He said he stopped worrying about his brother at about the time his younger brother bought a house.  By this time the brother was married and a father.  Their relationship became richer and truer as they are now getting older.  I leaned over to Eddy and said, "well I guess it isn't over with Sam, huh?"  His response, "Nope."

JUST A TEXT AWAY

Now that Sam has a phone that doesn't get turned off periodically, we actually communicate more.  Between random Facebook comments and text messaging, a lot gets communicated and expressed.  Am not sure if it's because he's attending my alma mater or that I'm the one that's been readily available during the summer months or that I'm the college grad that's living in state, he's seemed to bypass Eddy on some things and called me directly.  I work with high school students and I tell my parents that your children will hate your guts during those four years, and it's okay.  I made peace with that aspect of my relationship with Sam.  I was never interested in being the "cool" parent.  Eddy has that role on lock and auditions are closed.  I get to play understudy to his gleaming smile with my usual smirks, my occasional sarcasm, and my somewhat "bourghie" nature.  Look, God's still working on me, but I digress.  So between calls about buying books, financial aid award letters, late night financial aid applications at the 11th hour, it's been hectic getting and keeping this boy in somebody's school.  So the latest text was about getting some clothes for school.  To paraphrase him, his threadbare shoes were yellowing and starting to talk a foreign language (okay the foreign language was my words).  So I say, let me talk to Eddy.

Now believe it or not, Eddy and I are like a schizophrenic couple.  We change personalities on each other every now and then.  When it comes to money he's Ebenezer Scrooge and I'm the Fairy God-Mother.  I didn't see a problem with spending some money on clothes.  After all the boy had just graduated from an all uniform school and although he's going to "Flip-Flops" University, some new clothes wouldn't hurt.  It took me about three days to bring it up to Eddy (yeah imagine me terrified!).  I had my justifications all ready to go but he gave me an easy go-ahead.

So it was set.  I would have just given the boy the card and said, "go for what you know" but the parent in me thought against that.  I had to check this out in person live and in color.  I had several reasons for heading out with him.  I wanted to see his take on fashion, his take on spending money on fashion, and just how his mind works in the great big shopping world.

OOOH LOOK AT THE LIGHTS!
Am not a breakfast person but I'm glad I had that left over "banane ak ze" (eggs and plantain, a Haitian breakfast).  Cause the day I ended up having had me wishing I had taken in more proteins.  We drive out to West of I-75 and Miramar Parkway in "peyi-pedi" (lost country) just to find out that the Marshalls and Ross were a bust.  I realized right then, that Sam doesn't just go for anything.  The boy who wore that same ol raggedy Osh Gosh dungaree had higher expectations.  A call from Sophia had me facing my greatest fear--going to the big box mall aka Sawgrass Mills Mall.  I remember going there about 13 or so years ago and only walking half of the mall.  I then remember heading out to the adjacent outlets and only walking one side.  I remember just being there last week for the movies with Eddy and just walking down that one little side.  Now this boy would have me walking an ENTIRE mall!  We were on our way.

Sam graciously admitted he had never been to Sawgrass so I was the proud witness to his new adventure.  I gotta admit he was cool as as a cucumber (as usual).  With this being his first time and me having a bad sense of direction, we were doomed to being crashing bumper cars.  First stop--Burlington Coat Factory.  I let him loose and he walked around, taking his time, looking through things, dismissing most along the way.  Shopping with Eddy prepared me for this type of shopping.  I had warned him that I'm a "loner" type shopper and really don't like company when I shop.  I usually go in and have my own routine.  To have to be at someone else's mercy gets me impatient real fast.  But I had sucked it up and started to look for some items to show him.  Mr. Nit-Picky dismissed all my suggestions with a non-chalant nods.  Now I know how Naomie Campbell's fashion consultants feel.  Dismissed!  He found a couple of skinny jeans and cute shirts and off we went. 

Ended up at Marc Ecko where he liked quite a few things he saw.  But Sam doesn't go to clearance.  He's the customer you love to have in your store.  He goes straight for the $40 dollar shirt and bypasses the ones that are 2 for $30 or $6.99 each.  He saw some similar jeans that he purchased at BCF for the same price.  Of course he hadn't tried those on at that store and had me pull them out to try on while he was comparing them to the Marc Ecko ones.  I didn't want to tell him, two black customers in a store with another shopping bag switching out similar color jeans in and out of a bag would have the mall cops all over us.  It was his first time, so I figure just bite the bullet.  Trying out the BCF jeans proved to be a chore.  He had on what Eddy famously calls "catch me, throw me in the bushes" or as Sam refers to as "South Beach" pants.  Oooh can we say too tight?!  So right off the bat we had to return clothes (something I dread doing).  He left with some items from the store, including some really nice black jeans.  The speech about Mami disastrous clothes washing would later.

It was either go back to BCF or move forward in the mall.  Sawgrass has got to have four or five major arteries.  I swear by the time we had gone through the mall it was time to go back round again.  Mind you, I'm surviving off of half a plantain and some eggs.  Knowing him, buddy had already made his stop at the McDonald's and had probably burned off the big breakfast combo he had.  But he didn't mention food not once.  Now I don't know much about atheletes appetites but I know buddy was probably hungry an hour after we got there.  He was a trooper!  He needed shoes and  we went to about 6 different stores before we found a spot where he found something he liked.  By this time, the bags are getting heavier.  My left foot is hurting because two days before I had done an HGTV project lugging the large roller "thingy" at Home Depot with two closet doors, two closet racks and a bunch of hangers, again I digress.  My five year old Nikes were holding up good considering, but my head was starting to pound just a little.  Meanwhile Mr. Fashionisto was getting into the swing of things bouncing from one store to another.  I pretty much let him lead.  For too long, I was used to leading him around, holding his hands literally and figuratively in many instances.  This was the one time, where I took the back seat and let the man just be a man.  Imagine this tall dude in a white V-neck tee and gray shorts and white shoes making his way through crowds.  Did I mention that the arms of the white tee are tight because the muscles got to show. I am realizing that he's no longer just this kid but rather a young man who others notice first and actually move aside to let by.  Me and my 5'3'' self become inconsequential in the scheme of things and I actually got the impression that I actually ceased to exist standing next to dude.  Between other dudes (gay and straight) taking notice and the girls half-swooning and catching quick and furtive glances, I felt like a bodyguard, mother hen, and bag girl all rolled up in one.  Hilarious!

I sat outside waiting for him at American Eagle. Their 50% off every item was the best thing giong on in the mall.  He walked out kind of disappointed.  I kinda get the feeling he didn't really want me to have to wait on him.  But I pushed the issue, managed my fear of small spaces and large crowds and held a spot in line while he casually took his time to peruse the wares.  I'd look over every now and then only to find him intently looking around picking up things, putting others down.  Dude didn't even check to see if I hadn't fainted in the masses!  He made out like a bandit at that spot.

We found a couple of more items and found the coveted black and then white shoes.  We double-backed several times in our efforts to find the perfect shoes.   Along the way we had lunch, talked about world peace, the Gulf oil spill, and Afghanistan.  Just kidding.  We talked about fashion, people's perceptions of him, his perceptions of others, and how life is changing on him.  He's recalled how his own sense of fashion and self has changed and regarding what Eddy wore as originally "weird" is now something he can dig.  I'm sure his fashion evolution isn't over.  He's very much interested in carving out his own self among the very broad shadows of three older brothers.  He's got Armani Exchange Eddy, So Fresh and So Clean Jonas, and Mid-west Casual Eden to compare to and right about now he doesn't want to really be anyone else but himself.

I talked about my life as a college student and we realized that the more things change, the more things stayed the same.  At 35 talking about wearing the same Nike shoes that I now see in the stores for $150 (twice what I paid for them), made me recall a different me--a me that was so into wearing jumpsuits and high top to tennis shoes.  A me that spent hours in the salon, getting beautified for the club scene.  And I realize he's now at that stage where image is everything.

THIS NEW SAM
I tell him, we weren't born with silver spoons in our mouths and never judge people by what they wear.  I tell him there's enough time to get a job, make his own money, and spend it as he sees fit.  I tell him, our humble beginnings play a great part in who we are and what values we hold.  I tell him at the end of the day, we've got to love others inspite of their differences because as Christians we're called to. 

I was telling someone the other day, maybe Eddy, that I prefer dealing with the adult Sam.  He's still young and young-minded but this shopping expedition has taught me a couple of things about him:  the boy is vain, vain, and vain!  Dude thinks that Eddy's brown eyes are wasted on the Pastor and that God should have handed them to him instead.  Like God knew that Ti-Ti was gonna have a fourth child!  And I tell him that God couldn't make him perfect.  Sorry but the [pretty brown eyes belong to Eddy and Jaden alone (for now!)  I tell him that his complexion means that he's somewhere in the middle and that in the world of black folks it's all about "red bones" and "sexual chocolates".  And that people that look like me and him just get in where we fit in with our skin tones.  Not sure if he bought that, but he had to be brought down a peg a two.  the nerve of that kid!

He's not a cheap date, but he will hold his cards (debit card that is) close to his vest.  Sam won't spend his last dime on just anything.  He'll be the richest one in the bunch and you'd never know.  Women who think they're gonna get all his money, wait right there.  You'll be happy if you get a date to Taco Bell.  When it was time to get lunch I got me some bourbon chicken and rice.  Dude got taco bell on his dime, no water.  When asked what was he gonna do about a drink, he said he'd figure he'd share my little bottle of water.  Dude is super cheap!  That extra dollar was going towards his shoes and he was not about to spend it on something as minor as water!

He's responsible, he will listen and take matters to heart, and he will do right by his loved ones.  Now don't get me wrong, don't think for a second that I don't think Sam isn't anything more or less than he is.  After all, he's young, stuck on self, and 18 years old--did I mention he's young?  This is the age of lying by omission, avoidance of touchy subjects, and just outright playing slick.  Dude's got game, but he's not one out to disrespect and shame himself and his family. 


The next day, I gave him the scoop on the Hallandale Beach Blvd. BCF where he was able to return yet another "catch me in the bushes" jeans he bought in Sawgrass.  He took Mami with him and was officially inaugurated into the "take Ti-Ti" shopping hall of fame.  I learned right then that he's a good son.  He loves his mama and is arguably the most patient one of her boys when it comes to her.  You know Eddy gets last place in that category.  Now I can't say I will commit to another one of those all day expeditions.  We were out from 11 am to almost 5 pm!  That's the most time I have spent in anybody's store all summer!  But Eddy and I have and will always commit to seeing him through the many first encounters of his life as an adult.  After all, who doesn't enjoy seeing a baby eagle fly for the first time--after dropping thousands of miles, nearly hitting the ground, and then finding the wind beneath their wings to soar forward.